Everyday, I fight the idea that I knew better. I can’t reconcile in my head why I chose the path that I chose. Even with those who come behind me and tell me that my story is empowering or that my story being told helps them from being silent. I just can’t understand why I had to choose him! Why did I choose to be subservient, to be eclipsed, to be less than. My biggest and hardest obstacle to self love is the self-limiting beliefs that I knew better, that I was better, and that I should have chose better. If this were true I would have avoided over a decade a systematic emotional abuse. If somehow I can come to understand, to give myself the compassion that I give others – I will understand why I chose and allowed all that I did. Only then it seems I will be able to forgive myself and completely love myself. Why cannot I let myself off the hook?
I have realized that life isn't a point your arrive at, you live it every day. It is a process of love and rebirth, of emerging from cocoon after cocoon.