“Dan. . . where are you?”
I was home watching “Woman Thou Art Loosed” All Access livestream per the instructions of Pastor Bozeman. “Tune in and see what we can use for “Intensify””
Little did I know I would get a lot more than that. I tuned in just in time to see Bishop TD Jakes introduced by his daughter, Sarah. She began with a touching story of how her father helped release her from the chains of her own shame of having a child at the tender age of 14. I found myself teary eyed. And truth was I really didn’t know why. Little did I know that she has chronicled her journey in blog post. Per this article “In the post titled “Guided Me Home” dated September 9, 2011, Sarah admitted that she “wanted too much too soon,” and ended up with much more than she bargained for… a baby at 14.”
I have been adopted by a wonderful church family and my husband and kids are all well. I look great on the outside. Last week, my mentor asked me why I was uncomfortable with compliments or any evidence of a light shined in my direction. I realized with a face streaming with tears, it was shackles of shame. A shame that no matter how well my ministry is now, you MIGHT find out what I did. You might see how unworthy I really am. But here Mrs. Henson speech was illuminating in my soul like a concentrated light in a basement that had long be locked and left to be.
“Too often we confuse REcovering from our past with covering our past..I’m not proud of what I did but I’m proud that God still chose me..”she tweeted.
I want to show someone else the way, spare them the muck that was my past. But I can only do that now because I have a true thirst for God and longing to have an intimate, longing relationship with him. I want to learn his way.
This doesn’t take away my past. I am the same person am NOT the same person. I have been clothed in him, so that I may identify to people with true empathy. I am the person who had a child out of wedlock at 18, who slept with more men than she care to mention, who courted married men and tossed them aside. But what changed me? The same way I thirsted for the attention of all, now I thirst for the attention of one. My relationships are all based on the fact that I see the God in the person and pray that they see the God in me. I literally cannot get enough. I feel that I am only now truly living. “AS THE hart pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God. My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?” Psalms 42:1,2
SO yepp, that’s just a glimpse of my past. Watching her testimony broke chains for me. You can follow Mrs. Henson on her blog at http://sarahdhenson.com/
I guess, I will start intentionally be more real. It’s not where we’ve been, it’s where we are going.